last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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