Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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