god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
