I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
