nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
