Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
