his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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