piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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