The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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