In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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