i don't like sucking hair
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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