she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
