stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
