i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
