So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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