New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
