Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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