I got chris browned last night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
