I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
