I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
high people should be assigned attendants
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
