Ketchup is God's man juice
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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