I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
