using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize