Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
