only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
