How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
