Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
