he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
