Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
