my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
