you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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