I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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