new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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