thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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