You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
