I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
