threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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