Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
