I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
