I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
