Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
