im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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