My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
