i barfeds in our rink
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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