Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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