Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
