I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
