Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
