I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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