I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
