i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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