A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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