This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
