Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
