i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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