Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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