You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
