I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
