so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
