i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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