I think my vagina is haunted
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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