Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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