So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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