my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
