I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
