party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize