Sry I called you an 8
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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