You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
