hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
