I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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