Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
