I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
