I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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