Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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