the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
