Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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