Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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